Change | ch ānj|

"I need a change." A famous quote from who the hell knows that we use (I'll assume) on the regular.

It seems as though we're always seeking some type of change in our lives. Regardless of what form the change may come in, we--humans--always want something more. It also seems to be a fact that we want what we already have, i.e. a car, job, house, mate etc. But with all those fabulous things, we want more. So what happens when we find the change we're looking for? Lucky for you I have the answer, more change!

Can we ever be completely content with what our lives offer us? And if we do become content in our life, does that mean there is nothing left, hence room for change? Can we ever find the ultimate change in life; a place where we won't look for it anymore?

I'm writing about this because I've fallen victim to this thing we call change. What's mind-boggling is that I've already endured some change and we're only two months into the new year. I've graduated from college, working full time--hell even different hours, have a new roommate, and a new man in my life. Those are huge changes that I've obviously looked past these past two months, but I'm still looking for that thrill that seems unattainable. And even if I find whatever change I'm looking for, will I even be satisfied?

At what point do we say to ourselves, "I've had enough change"? Or will that be a statement that one will never utter?

Change. A little word with a big meaning.

S.E.X.

I'll be the first to admit that I am no sex expert. If anything, I'm a single gal expert. Therefore the next few paragraphs which include the word "sex" countless times may be incorrect in many ways. But I'm willing to take a stab at what sex is and how we young people view it today.

Now, we are taught at a very young age that, "sex is sacred" and to only be done with your husband or wife. Well, sex between a man and his wife went out of style some time ago and sex between two people who are in love or a relationship became in style. But the problem is it seems as though that fad is gone too. From my observation and living with some questionable women, sex is nothing but sex--that's it. It's as though we've forgotten the value and importance of intimacy with a person. I suppose it's not the end of the world to look at sex for just that, but based on my own experiences that gets old, fast.

We are so willing and eager really, to have sex with someone we're wildly attracted to. As if sex is the only thing on the agenda when we first meet a person...all the other stuff will come later, right? The problem with just jumping in the sack with someone we hardly know and are crazy attracted to is that we try to turn sex into a relationship. And the likelihood of that happen is just as good as it would be someone reaching the peak of Mt. Everest. Some make it to the top and back safely but the majority of people who attempt the climb only make it half way and give up--you can see the similarities.

So that question I'm posing is why? Why do we deem it necessary to jump someone's bones on the second date? Do we not care about what sex is suppose to mean anymore? It should come with a good relationship, not define it. We've got so caught up in sex without emotion that we've forgotten what it's like to have sex with emotion. I believe the reason for this is because sex with emotion actually means something. It's not just a one-night-stand with zero meaning and an uncomfortable morning after. It's an act that actually brings two people closer together...finally having the opportunity to give yourself to someone; learning someone's body and appreciate it for what it truly is.

So, perhaps we can stop looking at sex as just a lustly act between two people who barley know each other, or is that asking too much?

Bye Bye Cynicism?[!]

It is my belief that the long-time single woman is programed to believe that chivalry is six feet under and "courtly love" died with Chaucer. We've been single for a long while due to a number of reasons: having encountered one to many bad dates, the last man we dated was some type of alien, or the classic, he's a cheater. Regardless as to why we've been long-time single gals, we hit a point and give up; and Valentine's Day becomes a slap in the face rather than a time to spend with someone special.

For the last three or four years I've spent Valentine's day with my best friend, Amber. Our day usually consisted of early dinner, lots of wine, and so much cynicism that Columbus didn't know what to do with it. We'd exchange goofy gifts and enjoy each others company. Being the single gal that I am, I didn't mind Valentine's day (then) because I knew that I had someone special to spend it with. That all changed last year. She'd finally found the man of her dreams; he's a kind man who would do just about anything for her. And when they first started dating I told her, "you're moving to fast with him" while fighting extreme jealously. As their relationship grew and it got closer to the holiday I'd cringe at in the past, I knew that I would be valentine-less. Though we did our traditional dinner and gifts her cynicism seemed to disappear and love surrounded her like a beautiful cloud on a hot summer day.

So I'm proposing and even challenging the cynical single women everywhere (myself included)--embrace Valentine's Day. Find a good friend to spend it with, regardless of their relationship status. Go on that date with the man who won't take "no" for an answer. Or make plans with the man whom you have an oober crush on or a boy you've known for years.

Now, I know the above paragraph my have come to a shock to those who know me best because I've led you to believe that I am Queen Cynicism and anti-romance. And though this is still slightly true, I'm attempting to let go of those bad thoughts and embrace the opportunity that has landed in my lap, in a man who I'd least expect. I'm trying to believe that chivalry is not rockin a DNR tee and is still alive and well. That men actually want to write those letters and send the daisies you desire; that "courtly love" is still out there it just went on a 5 year vacation.

And so, I could blame my good friend and Valentine's day for my fading skepticism or the great man who is showing me how to embrace kindness, kisses, and endearment...once again.

Happy Valentine's Day!